Đỗ Xuân Tê
Qua phần Anh ngữ, độc giả và tín hữu đã được thuật lại lời chứng của một bác sĩ trẻ rất thành công trong cuộc sống, trong học vấn, rất giàu có về mặt tiền bạc qua nghề nghiệp chuyên môn của mình nhưng không may lại mắc chứng ung thư phổi và phải lìa đời ở tuổi 40. Cái ơn phước đáng chú ý ở chỗ người bác sĩ tín đồ của Chúa đã dũng cảm chấp nhận chuyện gì đến sẽ phải đến và như được tiên tri về số phận của mình, ông không ngần ngại dùng những trải nghiệm cá nhân để làm chứng lời Chúa cho đồng nghiệp, đồng môn và những người tin hoặc chưa tin Chúa về tính chất hư không của của cải, làm giàu cùng khẳng định dù cuộc đời thành công cách mấy thì cũng chỉ là trống rỗng khi không có Chúa.
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Khi đọc xong những lời tỏ lộ của ông, dưới góc nhìn của một con cái Chúa, tôi xin coi đó như những lời chứng vừa sinh động vừa trung thực , và như người ta thường nói những lời nói của những người sắp chia tay trần gian đều là những lời nói thật. Bác sĩ Richrd Teo cũng không nằm trong ngoại lệ này. Trong niềm cảm kích về gương can đảm của một nhà trí thức trẻ, qua bài viêt vội, tôi xin chuyển sang tiếng Việt mình mấy ý chính mà người anh em của chúng ta muốn gởi gấm trong phân đoạn cuối bài nói của ông. Theo ông thì,
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1. Hãy hết lòng đặt niềm tin cậy nơi Chúa của bạn tức Đưc Chúa Trời
2. Phải biết yêu thương và phục vụ tha nhân chứ không phải cho chính mình
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Không có gì sai quấy khi trở nên giàu có và thêm nhiều của cải..Theo tôi (bác sĩ Teo), điều này đúng tuyệt đối, vì chỉ Chúa ban phước thì mới có. Rất nhiều người đã được ban ơn bằng của cải nhưng vấn nạn ở chỗ cũng nhiều người trong chúng ta lại không biết làm sao giữ và quản trị nó. Càng có nhiều ta càng muốn nhiều. chính tôi đã trải qua kinh nghiệm này. Khi ta càng đào sâu bao nhiêu thì ta càng bị kẹt cứng vào trong đó bấy nhiêu. Càng để lòng vào của cải và chú tâm lo thờ phượng nó chính là lúc ta bị phân tâm và mất đi sự chú tâm vào cái trọng điểm. Thay vì thờ phượng Đưc Chúa Trời, ta lại lo thần tưọng của cải. Đây cũng là bản chất con người và tất nhiên càng khó mà thoát ra được.
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Chúng ta thảy đều là những người có nghề nghiệp, cho nên khi đi vào chuyên môn của mình, ta bắt đầu gầy dựng tài sản, điều này khó có thể tránh khỏi. Cho nên suy nghĩ của tôi là như vầy, khi bạn bắt đầu làm ra của cải và gặp khi thời cơ đến thì điều cần nên nhớ là mọi vật kiếm được đều không thuộc về bạn.
Chúng ta không thật sự sở hữu hoặc có quyền trên những tài sản này. Mà phải hiểu đây là quà tặng ban hiến từ Đức Chúa Trời. Vì vậy ta lo tìm kiếm nước Đưc Chúa Trời nhiều hơn là thu vén cho cá nhân chúng ta.
Chính tôi từng trải nghiệm điều này nên tôi cũng nghiệm ra rằng tài sản của cải nếu đạt được mà không có Chúa thì chỉ là trống không. Điều quan trọng là khi vun đắp tài sản cho mình như những giới doanh nghiệp, chuyên nghiệp chúng ta thường làm, thì cũng cần vun đắp cả tài sản cho Chúa. "
Nếu đọc lại đoạn văn trên, có người sẽ nói tư tưởng của người bác sĩ trẻ cũng chẳng có gì lạ vì thực sự Kinh Thánh cũng đã dạy, các mục sư tôi tớ Chúa cũng luôn nhắc nhở cảnh báo trong các bài giảng, và nếu tình cờ liên hệ bài giảng của cố Mục sư Phạm Thiện mới post trên trang web này, khi Thầy nói về đề tài ‘đừng chứa của cải trên đất’ và làm rõ ý của câu kinh thánh Ma-thi-ơ 6: 21 “vì chưng của cải ngươi ở đâu, thì lòng ngươi cũng ở đó”, tư nhiên chúng ta cũng cảm thấy quen thuộc lời cảnh báo của Chúa về bản chất tham lam của con người, rồi từ đó xác định thái độ tìm kiếm nước Đức Chúa Trời hay lo tìm kiếm vun đắp của cải vật chất. Chính hiểu được như vậy tôi mới thấm cái ý của bác sĩ Teo khi ông tóm gọn sự trải nghiệm của ông qua phần minh họa sinh động bằng chính cuộc đời ông. Ông đã đầu tư tuổi trẻ của mình trong nghiệp vụ của một bác sĩ giải phẫu thẩm mỹ, miệt mài lao động để vun đắp và tích lũy của cải nhưng khi mang bạo bệnh và sắp lìa đời ông mới nhận ra rằng quyền sở hữu trên những tài sản này là thuộc về Chúa, của cải ông có đây là quà tặng ban hiến từ Đức Chúa Trời, để rồi rút ra một triết lý sống ông cần nhắn nhủ là tài sản của cải nếu đạt được mà không có Chúa thì chỉ là trống không.
Chúng ta đã đọc những trang Kinh Thánh, đã nghe các bài giảng trong nhà thờ, đã nghe những lời chứng của các con cái Chúa và đây lại là một cơ duyên khi được chia sẻ những lời chứng bằng một nhân chứng sống cũng là con cái Chúa, bác sĩ Richard Teo, để càng đánh động, càng suy gẫm về một lời khuyên thiết tha của Chúa ‘Nhưng trước hết, hày tìm kiếm nước Đức Chúa Trời và sự công bình của Ngài, thì Ngài sẽ cho thêm các ngươi mọi đều ấy nữa’ (Ma-thi-ơ 6:33).
Đỗ Xuân Tê
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In Memory of Dr. Richard Teo 1972 - 2012 .
Below is the transcript of the talk of Dr. Richard Teo, who was a
40-year-old millionaire and cosmetic surgeon with a stage-4 lung cancer
but selflessly came to share with the D1 class his life experience on
19-Jan-2012. He has just passed away few days ago on 18 October 2012.
Hi good
morning to all of you. My voice is a bit hoarse, so please bear with me.
I thought I'll just introduce myself. My name is Richard, I'm a medical
doctor. And I thought I'll just share some thoughts of my life. It's my
pleasure to be invited by prof. Hopefully, it can get you thinking
about how... as you pursue this.. embarking on your training to become
dental surgeons, to think about other things as well.
Since young,
I am a typical product of today's society. Relatively successful
product that society requires.. From young, I came from a below average
family. I was told by the media... and people around me that happiness
is about success. And that success is about being wealthy. With this
mind-set, I've always be extremely competitive, since I was young.
Not only do I
need to go to the top school, I need to have success in all fields.
Uniform groups, track, everything. I needed to get trophies, needed to
be successful, I needed to have colours award, national colours award,
everything. So I was highly competitive since young. I went on to
medical school, graduated as a doctor. Some of you may know that within
the medical faculty, ophthalmology is one of the most highly sought
after specialities. So I went after that as well. I was given a
traineeship in ophthalmology, I was also given a research scholarship by
NUS to develop lasers to treat the eye.
So in the
process, I was given 2 patents, one for the medical devices, and another
for the lasers. And you know what, all this academic achievements did
not bring me any wealth. So once I completed my bond with MOH, I decided
that this is taking too long, the training in eye surgery is just
taking too long. And there's lots of money to be made in the private
sector. If you're aware, in the last few years, there is this rise in
aesthetic medicine. Tons of money to be made there. So I decided, well,
enough of staying in institution, it's time to leave. So I quit my
training halfway and I went on to set up my aesthetic clinic... in town,
together with a day surgery centre.
You know the
irony is that people do not make heroes out average GP (general
practitioner), family physicians. They don't. They make heroes out of
people who are rich and famous. People who are not happy to pay $20 to
see a GP, the same person have no qualms paying ten thousand dollars for
a liposuction, 15 thousand dollars for a breast augmentation, and so on
and so forth. So it's a no brainer isn't? Why do you want to be a gp?
Become an aesthetic physician. So instead of healing the sick and ill, I
decided that I'll become a glorified beautician. So, business was good,
very good. It started off with waiting of one week, then became 3weeks,
then one month, then 2 months, then 3 months. I was overwhelmed; there
were just too many patients. Vanities are fantastic business. I employed
one doctor, the second doctor, the 3rd doctor, the 4th doctor. And
within the 1st year, we're already raking in millions. Just the 1st
year. But never is enough because I was so obsessed with it. I started
to expand into Indonesia to get all the rich Indonesian tai-tais who
wouldn't blink an eye to have a procedure done. So life was really good.
So what do I
do with the spare cash. How do I spend my weekends? Typically, I'll
have car club gatherings. I take out my track car, with spare cash I got
myself a track car. We have car club gatherings. We'll go up to Sepang
in Malaysia. We'll go for car racing. And it was my life. With other
spare cash, what do i do? I get myself a Ferrari. At that time, the 458
wasn't out, it's just a spider convertible, 430. This is a friend of
mine, a schoolmate who is a forex trader, a banker. So he got a red one,
he was wanting all along a red one, I was getting the silver one.
So what do I
do after getting a car? It's time to buy a house, to build our own
bungalows. So we go around looking for a land to build our own
bungalows, we went around hunting. So how do i live my life? Well, we
all think we have to mix around with the rich and famous. This is one of
the Miss Universe. So we hang around with the beautiful, rich and
famous. This by the way is an internet founder. So this is how we spend
our lives, with dining and all the restaurants and Michelin Chefs you
know.
So I reach a
point in life that I got everything for my life. I was at the pinnacle
of my career and all. That's me one year ago in the gym and I thought I
was like, having everything under control and reaching the pinnacle.
Well, I was
wrong. I didn't have everything under control. About last year March, I
started to develop backache in the middle of nowhere. I thought maybe it
was all the heavy squats I was doing. So I went to SGH, saw my
classmate to do an MRI, to make sure it's not a slipped disc or
anything. And that evening, he called me up and said that we found bone
marrow replacement in your spine. I said, sorry what does that mean? I
mean I know what it means, but I couldn't accept that. I was like “Are
you serious?” I was still running around going to the gym you know. But
we had more scans the next day, PET scans - positrons emission scans,
they found that actually I have stage 4 terminal lung cancer. I was like
"Whoa where did that come from?” It has already spread to the brain,
the spine, the liver and the adrenals. And you know one moment I was
there, totally thinking that I have everything under control, thinking
that I've reached the pinnacle of my life. But the next moment, I have
just lost it.
This is a CT
scan of the lungs itself. If you look at it, every single dot there is a
tumour. We call this miliaries tumour. And in fact, I have tens of
thousands of them in the lungs. So, I was told that even with
chemotherapy, that I'll have about 3-4months at most. Did my life come
crushing on, of course it did, who wouldn't? I went into depression, of
course, severe depression and I thought I had everything.
See the
irony is that all these things that I have, the success, the trophies,
my cars, my house and all. I thought that brought me happiness. But i
was feeling really down, having severe depression. Having all these
thoughts of my possessions, they brought me no joy. The thought of...
You know, I can hug my Ferrari to sleep, no... No, it is not going to
happen. It brought not a single comfort during my last ten months. And I
thought they were, but they were not true happiness. But it wasn't.
What really brought me joy in the last ten months was interaction with
people, my loved ones, friends, people who genuinely care about me, they
laugh and cry with me, and they are able to identify the pain and
suffering I was going through. That brought joy to me, happiness. None
of the things I have, all the possessions, and I thought those were
supposed to bring me happiness. But it didn't, because if it did, I
would have felt happy think about it, when I was feeling most down..
You know the
classical Chinese New Year that is coming up. In the past, what do I
do? Well, I will usually drive my flashy car to do my rounds, visit my
relatives, to show it off to my friends. And I thought that was joy, you
know. I thought that was really joy. But do you really think that my
relatives and friends, whom some of them have difficulty trying to make
ends meet, that will truly share the joy with me? Seeing me driving my
flashy car and showing off to them? No, no way. They won’t be sharing
joy with me. They were having problems trying to make ends meet, taking
public transport. In fact i think, what I have done is more like you
know, making them envious, jealous of all I have. In fact, sometimes
even hatred.
Those are
what we call objects of envy. I have them, I show them off to them and I
feel it can fill my own pride and ego. That didn't bring any joy to
these people, to my friends and relatives, and I thought they were real
joy.
Well, let me
just share another story with you. You know when I was about your age, I
stayed in king Edward VII hall. I had this friend whom I thought was
strange. Her name is Jennifer, we're still good friends. And as I walk
along the path, she would, if she sees a snail, she would actually pick
up the snail and put it along the grass patch. I was like why do you
need to do that? Why dirty your hands? It’s just a snail. The truth is
she could feel for the snail. The thought of being crushed to death is
real to her, but to me it's just a snail. If you can't get out of the
pathway of humans then you deserve to be crushed, it’s part of evolution
isn't it? What an irony isn't it?
There I was
being trained as a doctor, to be compassionate, to be able to empathise;
but I couldn't. As a house officer, I graduated from medical school,
posted to the oncology department at NUH. And, every day, every other
day I witness death in the cancer department. When I see how they
suffered, I see all the pain they went through. I see all the morphine
they have to press every few minutes just to relieve their pain. I see
them struggling with their oxygen breathing their last breath and all.
But it was just a job. When I went to clinic every day, to the wards
every day, take blood, give the medication but was the patient real to
me? They weren't real to me. It was just a job, I do it, I get out of
the ward, I can't wait to get home, I do my own stuff.
Was the
pain, was the suffering the patients went through real? No. Of course I
know all the medical terms to describe how they feel, all the suffering
they went through. But in truth, I did not know how they feel, not until
I became a patient. It is until now; I truly understand how they feel.
And, if you ask me, would I have been a very different doctor if I were
to re-live my life now, I can tell you yes I will. Because I truly
understand how the patients feel now. And sometimes, you have to learn
it the hard way.
Even as you
start just your first year, and you embark this journey to become dental
surgeons, let me just challenge you on two fronts.
Inevitably,
all of you here will start to go into private practice. You will start
to accumulate wealth. I can guarantee you. Just doing an implant can
bring you thousands of dollars, it's fantastic money. And actually there
is nothing wrong with being successful, with being rich or wealthy,
absolutely nothing wrong. The only trouble is that a lot of us like
myself couldn't handle it.
Why do I
say that? Because when I start to accumulate, the more I have, the more I
want. The more I wanted, the more obsessed I became. Like what I showed
you earlier on, all I can was basically to get more possessions, to
reach the pinnacle of what society did to us, of what society wants us
to be. I became so obsessed that nothing else really mattered to me.
Patients were just a source of income, and I tried to squeeze every
single cent out of these patients.
A lot of
times we forget, whom we are supposed to be serving. We become so lost
that we serve nobody else but just ourselves. That was what happened to
me. Whether it is in the medical, the dental fraternity, I can tell you,
right now in the private practice, sometimes we just advise patients on
treatment that is not indicated. Grey areas. And even though it is not
necessary, we kind of advocate it. Even at this point, I know who are my
friends and who genuinely cared for me and who are the ones who try to
make money out of me by selling me "hope". We kind of lose our moral
compass along the way. Because we just want to make money.
Worse, I can
tell you, over the last few years, we bad mouth our fellow colleagues,
our fellow competitors in the industry. We have no qualms about it. So
if we can put them down to give ourselves an advantage, we do it. And
that's what happening right now, medical, dental everywhere. My
challenge to you is not to lose that moral compass. I learnt it the hard
way, I hope you don't ever have to do it.
Secondly, a
lot of us will start to get numb to our patients as we start to
practise. Whether is it government hospitals, private practice, I can
tell you when I was in the hospital, with stacks of patient folders, I
can't wait to get rid of those folders as soon as possible; I can't wait
to get patients out of my consultation room as soon as possible because
there is just so many, and that's a reality. Because it becomes a job, a
very routine job. And this is just part of it. Do I truly know how the
patient feels back then? No, I don't. The fears and anxiety and all, do I
truly understand what they are going through? I don't, not until when
this happens to me and I think that is one of the biggest flaws in our
system.
We’re being
trained to be healthcare providers, professional, and all and yet we
don't know how exactly they feel. I'm not asking you to get involved
emotionally, I don't think that is professional but do we actually make a
real effort to understand their pain and all? Most of us won’t,
alright, I can assure you. So don't lose it, my challenge to you is to
always be able to put yourself in your patient's shoes.
Because the
pain, the anxiety, the fear are very real even though it's not real to
you, it's real to them. So don't lose it and you know, right now I'm in
the midst of my 5th cycle of my chemotherapy. I can tell you it’s a
terrible feeling. Chemotherapy is one of those things that you don't
wish even your enemies to go through because it's just suffering, lousy
feeling, throwing out, you don't even know if you can retain your meals
or not. Terrible feeling! And even with whatever little energy now I
have, I try to reach out to other cancer patients because I truly
understand what pain and suffering is like. But it's kind of little too
late and too little.
You guys
have a bright future ahead of you with all the resource and energy, so
I’m going to challenge you to go beyond your immediate patients. To
understand that there are people out there who are truly in pain, truly
in hardship. Don’t get the idea that only poor people suffer. It is not
true. A lot of these poor people do not have much in the first place,
they are easily contented. for all you know they are happier than you
and me but there are out there, people who are suffering mentally,
physically, hardship, emotionally, financially and so on and so forth,
and they are real. We choose to ignore them or we just don't want to
know that they exist.
So do
think about it alright, even as you go on to become professionals and
dental surgeons and all. That you can reach out to these people who are
in need. Whatever you do can make a large difference to them. I'm now at
the receiving end so I know how it feels, someone who genuinely care
for you, encourage and all. It makes a lot of difference to me. That’s
what happens after treatment. I had a treatment recently, but I’ll leave
this for another day. A lot of things happened along the way, that's
why I am still able to talk to you today.
I'll just
end of with this quote here, it's from this book called Tuesdays with
Morris, and some of you may have read it. Everyone knows that they are
going to die; every one of us knows that. The truth is, none of us
believe it because if we did, we will do things differently. When I
faced death, when I had to, I stripped myself off all stuff totally and I
focused only on what is essential. The irony is that a lot of times,
only when we learn how to die then we learn how to live. I know it
sounds very morbid for this morning but it's the truth, this is what I’m
going through.
Don’t let
society tell you how to live. Don’t let the media tell you what you're
supposed to do. Those things happened to me. And I led this life
thinking that these are going to bring me happiness. I hope that you
will think about it and decide for yourself how you want to live your
own life. Not according to what other people tell you to do, and you
have to decide whether you want to serve yourself, whether you are going
to make a difference in somebody else's life. Because true happiness
doesn't come from serving yourself. I thought it was but it didn't turn
out that way.
Also most
importantly, I think true joy comes from knowing God. Not knowing about
God – I mean, you can read the bible and know about God – but knowing
God personally; getting a relationship with God. I think that’s the most
important. That’s what I’ve learnt.
So if I were
to sum it up, I’d say that the earlier we sort out the priorities in
our lives, the better it is. Don’t be like me – I had no other way. I
had to learn it through the hard way. I had to come back to God to thank
Him for this opportunity because I’ve had 3 major accidents in my past –
car accidents. You know, these sports car accidents – I was always
speeding , but somehow I always came out alive, even with the car almost
being overturned. And I wouldn’t have had a chance. Who knows, I don’t
know where else I’d be going to! Even though I was baptised it was just a
show, but the fact that this has happened, it gave me a chance to come
back to God.
Few things I’d learnt though:
1. Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart – this is so important.
2. Is to love and serve others, not just ourselves.
There is
nothing wrong with being rich or wealthy. I think it’s absolutely
alright, cos God has blessed. So many people are blessed with good
wealth, but the trouble is I think a lot of us can’t handle it. The more
we have, the more we want. I’ve gone through it, the deeper the hole we
dig, the more we get sucked into it, so much so that we worship wealth
and lose focus. Instead of worshipping God, we worship wealth. It’s just
a human instinct. It’s just so difficult to get out of it.
We are all
professionals, and when we go into private practise, we start to build
up our wealth – inevitably. So my thought are, when you start to build
up wealth and when the opportunity comes, do remember that all these
things don’t belong to us. We don’t really own it nor have rights to
this wealth. It’s actually God’s gift to us. Remember that it’s more
important to further His Kingdom rather than to further ourselves.
Anyway I
think that I’ve gone through it, and I know that wealth without God is
empty. It is more important that you fill up the wealth, as you build it
up subsequently, as professionals and all, you need to fill it up with
the wealth of God.
Suy niệm về sự chết
Không có gì giúp ta hiểu ý nghĩa cuộc sống cho bằng cái chết.Tưởng tượng rằng tôi đang dự đám tang của chính mình. Tôi nhìn thấy thi hài mình trong quan tài, giữa nến hoa và khói hương nghi ngút.
Cặp mắt tôi dừng lại một chút trên khuôn mặt những người xung quanh. Bấy giờ tôi mới hiểu cuộc sống của họ thật ngắn ngủi biết bao! Thật tiếc là họ chưa ý thức về điều đó. Lúc này, tâm trí họ đang tập trung vào tôi, chứ không phải vào cái chết của chính họ hay sự ngắn ngủi của đời người.
Một cảm giác thật lạ, vì hôm nay là buổi trình diễn cuối cùng của tôi trên mặt đất, lần cuối cùng tôi là trung tâm chú ý của mọi người.
Trên
tòa giảng, vị linh mục đang nói về tôi. Tôi vui thích thấy mình được
mọi người thương tiếc. Tôi để lại một khoảng trống đau thương trong tim
của người thân và bạn bè. Nhưng cũng thành thực nhận rằng: trong đám
đông kia cũng có một số người vui mừng vì sự ra đi của tôi.Theo đám rước vào nghĩa trang, tôi chen giữa đám đông đứng lặng bên mộ huyệt. Chương cuối cùng của đời tôi khép lại khi những lời cầu nguyện sau cùng được cất lên, và cỗ quan tài từ từ chìm sâu vào lòng đất.
Tôi vẫn đứng bên mộ, hồi tưởng lại từng chương của đời mình, trong khi những người khác vội vã về nhà, về với những ước mơ và lo toan thường nhật.
Một năm sau tôi trở về trái đất. Những khoảng trống đau thương kia đã được lấp đầy. Ký ức về tôi vẫn sống trong tim bạn bè, nhưng họ ít nghĩ về tôi hơn. Giờ thì những người khác đã trở nên quan trọng hơn trong đời họ. Và phải thế thôi, vì cuộc sống vẫn phải tiếp tục. Tôi thăm lại công việc của mình: có ai đó đang tiếp tục làm. Giờ thì đã có người khác quyết định thay tôi. Tôi tìm lại những đồ dùng tôi yêu thích: chiếc đồng hồ, dàn vi tính, chiếc xe …, những thứ mà ngày nay không ai còn dùng nữa, vì đã quá lỗi thời.
30 năm sau tôi trở về lần nữa. Ngoài một vài bức ảnh mờ nhạt trong album và dòng chữ khắc trên mộ, chẳng có gì còn lại về tôi. Không còn cả những kí ức nơi bạn bè, vì chẳng còn ai sống nữa. Tôi cố tìm những gì còn sót lại. Ánh mắt tôi dừng lại nơi một chút bụi trong quan tài, lòng nghĩ về đời mình thuở trước: lo toan và niềm vui, tham vọng và mộng mơ, vinh quang và tủi nhục… Những gì đã làm nên đời tôi, tất cả đã cuốn bay theo gió. Chỉ còn lại một chút bụi, như dấu chứng đã từng có tôi trên đời.
Lm Phạm Quang Long phỏng theo Anthony de Mello
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